Lost will happen

Being lost can happen so many different ways.

For instance, I know all too well the feeling of being physically lost. Before my GPS, even with my GPS, I got right and left turns confused and forget the order of the exits on I-25. I might convince myself that I live north of Denver when I truly live south or that the Idaho mountains are to the west. This is because during Drivers Ed, I remember countless times being told, "The mountains will always be west!" Don't be fooled.

A person might lose sight of their life path, and consider themselves lost. For whatever reason, the direction is no longer clear they should take; the fog won't lift and the sun won't shine. This is simply a natural feeling that seems to be a prerequisite for all of us to complete before our 30th birthday; just in time for a mid-life crisis, following 10 or so years later.

So, what exactly occurs when a person is lost directionally and emotionally? Laura in China. That's what happens.

I don't think the Rocky Mountains sit in plain sight in China, like they do in Denver. I doubt I will have my bearings in China. Ever. I imagine there will be a constant haze of pollution and people. I also foresee a lack of white courtesy telephones; these are the lifelines that many a lost passengers and children (Brown family children, more specifically) rely on to reconnect with their loved ones at Denver International Airport. These things I know will get me back home won't be in China.

I know I'll get lost. I should probably accept that I will get lost at LAX before I even arrive in China. That will happen too.

But really, I'm cautiously excited about getting lost. I want to jump on the subway car and go wherever the car goes without knowing my final destination, just to freak myself out. I might only go one stop...but I still want to do it. There will be plenty of strange markets and beaten paths to venture down. I'll find a gate that's locked. If there's no guard, I'll jump it and see what's behind it. (No, I really won't. Chinese guards scare me.) The train terminal will probably be as big as the campus of BYU-Idaho; I'll navigate it somehow and come to love it.

For if we never lose ourselves, how will we ever find ourselves? It is this principle that drives me to the excitement of being lost in China. I will get lost like never before; it's not like I'll have to try to get lost. I'll be good at it, I already am. My senses will be so overloaded with things I have never seen, smelt, heard or touched before that I'll feel lost just sleeping in my bed at night. My Chinese bed.

The next time I ask myself why I've decided on China, I will remind myself that I'm going to get lost. Lost from the self I've accustomed to a one track lifestyle of living in a give-me-everything mindset; lost from toxic people (one passive aggressive/immature stick-it-to-the-man comment from yours truly!) and Katy Perry. Simply to be lost from it all and find myself in a place I'll be experiencing with fresh eyes and an open mind. To China.

*********Disclaimer: This is a really cheesy post. But, let's face it, if I'm going to be writing an honest blog while in China for four months, expect extra cheese.